to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
