No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
