then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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