I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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