i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
