i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize