we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
