The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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