i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
