Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
