i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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