he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
