The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
