Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I need a burrito and a hug.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
