The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
