a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
