Rock
Scissors
Fuck
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
