she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize