I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
