I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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