Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
