PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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