Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
