At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
