Quick, to the slutcave!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dick very happy bro
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
