Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
