Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
