we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
