You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
