i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Your penis caused this!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
