that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I deserve this hangover.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
