Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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