she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I will die if light touches me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
