Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
