i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
