dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
