You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
