Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
