its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
