The maid of honor just puked.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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