i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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