i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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