Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
