Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
