I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
