Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize