girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
