so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
