i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And then he peed in my hair
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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