took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
