My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
