I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
