How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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