guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
