i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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