Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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