They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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