i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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