have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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