but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
