they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Im part way to drunk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
