this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
