i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
