Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
