So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
