I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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