I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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