She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
