so explain again why im purple
no
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
