I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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