when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
