I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
