Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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